Its a new day

Its a brand new day and a brand new stage in my life. Those of you who read my blog know how much I struggled with infertility and how much work it was just to get the two beautiful kids I have. Its hard to say were done and to be honest, I wasn't sure we were done. We have tried for this past year and without success. Its a giant struggle in our daily life. Seeing women get pregnant so easily and even though you are happy for them, it still tears a bit of your heart away.  We had done ONE last round of meds and were Hoping that this would be the cycle. I had perfect progesterone levels and even thought I HAD to pregnant. I was feeling sick and nauseous just like I had in the past. But something was different. I just didn't know what that would be. Sunday at church I was a bit stoic as I sat there after seeing yet another negative pregnancy test, and yet I was still sick and even a bit loopy or spacey. I forgot my password for my work computer, I never do that.

Tuesday was supposed to be normal doctors appointment. Well it wasn't. Turns out I had some elevated levels that a previous doctor failed to look into. This doctor was not happy and could tell that something was wrong (even threatened blood transfusion). We drew some more labs and all though they are not all back, we do now know that its more likely that I do in fact have Lupus or some other AI disease and its not good. The good news is that I wont need a transfusion (I credit organic eating on that one!) The alarming one is that my kidney functions are off. So we need more testing for that too. There will be lots and lots of testing to come. I simply can not take a pregnancy at this time in my life.

So we are done. I am trying to look at all the good in this. Like, hey no more diapers. Or how about we can get a smaller more efficient car! We can focus more attention on the kids we are so lucky to have.  etc etc etc.. Its never easy.

Perhaps in the future we will adopt, I don't know. I don't even know if I will have the energy to get out of bed tomorrow. 

Some useful information on GMOs

What about the politics behind it? Did you know that corporations like Monsanto have a patent on those GM seeds, and if your plant cross pollinates with it on purpose or not, Monsanto then owns your plant, if your livestock ingests that seed ( or plant), Monsanto then owns your livestock. How close do you think we are to Monsanto saying that if YOU ingest that seed they own you? Its not to far off. How can it be OK to patent life? Did you know that it was intentionally left out of the constitution on moral grounds? Think about it.... I can go on and on, but really, the only way for you to really know the truth is to read it for yourself. Or watch it! There are some great documentaries, and even research articles on this subject. Oh the power of Google!

Recent polls across the world have consistently shown that, if they had a choice, 90% of people would actively seek to avoid GMOs (genetically modified organisms) in their food.

Unfortunately, GMOs are taking over our farmland so quickly, it is virtually impossible to avoid eating GM foods... unless you know what to look for:

HOW TO AVOID GMO FOODS:

1. Look at the stickers on fruit - there is a PLU code with either 4 or 5 numbers. If your fruit's label has 4 numbers, it is conventionally grown. 5 numbers starting with a 9 means it was organically grown, and 5 numbers starting with an 8 means GMO.

2. Buy local & talk to your farmers - this is the best way to ensure you're eating real foods. It's estimated that up to 85% of pre-packaged and processed foods contain GMOs, so buying fresh from the farm is a great way to avoid that.

3. Avoid the Top Four GMO Crops of Soy, Corn, Canola and Cottonseed - most blended oils in North America contain canola and cottonseed. Replacing these with 100% extra virgin olive oil is a safe alternative.

4. Encourage your favorite food providers to label their food GMO-free. We don't need the government to force companies to label their foods, and we're seeing more and more that we as consumers have tremendous power, and if enough of us ask for GMO-free labels, and support the companies that use them, we'll see a huge increase in labeling. And we're already starting to see this.

Get to know the companies that are labeling their foods GMO-free.

5. Buy Organically Grown Food - For now, the organic certification process is a relatively safe bet to ensure your food is free of GMOs, although this may not be the case in the future. Help support global sustainability by purchasing certified organically grown food.

6. Conventional Sugar - Over 90% of this year's sugar beet harvest will be Monsanto's GM Roundup-Ready Sugar Beet. That means if you are using sugar, or eating anything with sugar in it, you're eating GMOs. Alternatives to sugar are listed here.

7. Grow your own food - Plant a garden using heirloom seeds! (thanks to Amy31415 on YouTube for pointing out this important tip!)

(taken from http://bytestyle.tv/content/top-6-ways-identify-avoid-gmo-foods I encourage you to click this link and read more! I bet there are things you eat everyday that you didn't know were GM. )

Silent and Quiet.

Frederick Buechner says "Silence, Cant be anything but silent, Quiet however chooses to be silent. It hold its breath to listen. It waits and is still." To be quiet is to find your strength from HIM alone. Psalm 46:10 calls us "to be still and know I am God.." In Hebrew that translates to rapha which in other words means letting ourselves go or to become weak. And this is what I needed to do so badly this week. I was having one of those weeks where if it could go wrong, it did! On top of the normal stresses of life ( finances, school, parenting etc..) It seemed as though one thing after another was dragging me down. My daughter threw my laptop, someone hit our car window and shattered it, I was audited at school, I spilled screen printing ink all over myself, my kids were fighting and oh my coffee went cold. ( you know, THAT kind of day). It wasn't huge life changing stuff either. We have a warranty, we needed some air conditioning, I'm not in any trouble, ink washes off, kids are kids and its just coffee. But in those moments it seemed like I was going to fall apart. And thats sort of just what I did. I came home after that long day and I just sat in the shower in silence. I knew that I just needed to "be still". To stop stressing and let God take care of it. I got so wrapped up in the moment I forgot who was in charge. Last year I got the words "be still" (harpoo) tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to myself to just stop and listen and let go. I need to remember to become weak because HE is strong. As soon as I did that I could literally feel the weight lifted off my shoulders. I began to feel a peace inside that only He could give. I know I am not alone when it comes to these moments of "strength" as I will call it.. strength that I can do it alone and its all about me. We all have those moments and I hope this blog helps you to feel "weak" when you need it too.