Mar 22, 2010

Where to go

so this blog has been everything from my struggles with infertility, bitching about my neighbors and more recently homeschooling my son. But as we all know, life happens. Since school has started the homeschool has gone down! I feel overwhelmed.. I say im going to start back up again but it just doesnt happen. So when it finally does Ill let you all know. In the mean time Ill just update on life! I love FB but I cant post the way I can here ya know! so if your reading this thanks!


No news in the hip department. they want to do investigative surgery and I just dont have the time to do that right now! That with not being able to get the anemia under controll and then of course Ive gained all this weight.
I had an upper GI this morning, and all looked good in the band.. so hopefully Ill get some answeres on wednesday. to be honest I really did want something to be wrong..I just want to switch to GB..I HATE my band. There are days I just cry because I hate it so bad.


The kids are doing well. Sam is in a bowling league now and its SO MUCH FUN! watching him bowl, were wanting him to go all the way with this! we got him a ball that he loves too. Daddy will be taking him on tuesdays to get a little extra help from Greg in the pro shop! yay!!
Delilah is still a stinker.. full of drama!

School is good. Stressfull but good. Its helping us financially and now were in a much cheaper yet nicer place as well. I feel like were in a house but were not. This week was spring break and I felt like all I was doing was Homework!!! still not done and break is over! ( this is the stress part) we had a teacher who all of a sudden assigned us like 4 projects a week.. its crazy! I swear most the time hes stoned. Hes a black rock artsy kinda guy! I think he hates me!

Now my other loud and harsh as he his, is at least consistent. He seems like hes really there to help us! which is a good thing as I have him for the next 3 years! He took some getting used to but now I appriciate him!

Ive been sucking in the dinner department.. Im cooking 2 times a week.. and it should be more. Tommys okay with it.. but he shouldnt be.


there are some days were i feel like I cant get it together and all this is futile. and as a christian I battle too. I know what I believe to be true.. yet my politics dont match those in my church and I dont want to fear rejection but I can deny what is in my heart and what I know GOD is telling me.


speaking of the church. I love being a youth leader so much. but I feel like im loosing it there too. I dont feel needed or bonded to the girls like I used to be. Its as almost as Im the girl everyone just gives a task to so I feel needed and whatnot..but they could care less if I was an active leader. I dont know.. its another one of those brianne shut up and be still Ive got it under controll.. love GOD!

Same with the small group we lead. I love it there and I know its a God thing were all together but when a few of them talk I feel so stupid.. and how can I be their leader when I feel they know more than me?? I just know what is true and right and what is in my heart and sometimes I cant even get that out with out getting all confused and looking stupid..again.


I Read Rob bells Velvet Elvis book and it has inspired me to get more into the jewish background of christianity. its awesome learning and by learning all this it is helping me to better understand what the bible is saying!
I even got a tattoo in hebrew on my wrist..

thats all I can do. BE STILL. I have to remember that God has it all under controll and If I just slow down and shut up HE will show me!