Oct 2, 2011

Its a new day

Its a brand new day and a brand new stage in my life. Those of you who read my blog know how much I struggled with infertility and how much work it was just to get the two beautiful kids I have. Its hard to say were done and to be honest, I wasn't sure we were done. We have tried for this past year and without success. Its a giant struggle in our daily life. Seeing women get pregnant so easily and even though you are happy for them, it still tears a bit of your heart away.  We had done ONE last round of meds and were Hoping that this would be the cycle. I had perfect progesterone levels and even thought I HAD to pregnant. I was feeling sick and nauseous just like I had in the past. But something was different. I just didn't know what that would be. Sunday at church I was a bit stoic as I sat there after seeing yet another negative pregnancy test, and yet I was still sick and even a bit loopy or spacey. I forgot my password for my work computer, I never do that.

Tuesday was supposed to be normal doctors appointment. Well it wasn't. Turns out I had some elevated levels that a previous doctor failed to look into. This doctor was not happy and could tell that something was wrong (even threatened blood transfusion). We drew some more labs and all though they are not all back, we do now know that its more likely that I do in fact have Lupus or some other AI disease and its not good. The good news is that I wont need a transfusion (I credit organic eating on that one!) The alarming one is that my kidney functions are off. So we need more testing for that too. There will be lots and lots of testing to come. I simply can not take a pregnancy at this time in my life.

So we are done. I am trying to look at all the good in this. Like, hey no more diapers. Or how about we can get a smaller more efficient car! We can focus more attention on the kids we are so lucky to have.  etc etc etc.. Its never easy.

Perhaps in the future we will adopt, I don't know. I don't even know if I will have the energy to get out of bed tomorrow. 


Cherbear said...

Brie, I'm sorry that you have reached this point, and about the medical scare. (((hugs))) I don't know why some of us are put through these big challenges. Prayers to you.

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